Healthcare

Puberty, Teenagers

 Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Adolescence is the transitional stage from childhood to adulthood that occurs between ages 13 and 19. The physical and psychological changes that take place in adolescence often start earlier, during the preteen or “tween” years: between ages 9 and 12.

Contents

• What Is Adolescence?
• Talking to Teens
• Mental Health in Adolescence

What Is Adolescence?

Adolescence can be a time of both disorientation and discovery. The transitional period can raise questions of independence and identity; as adolescents cultivate their sense of self, they may face difficult choices about academics, friendship, sexuality, gender identity, drugs, and alcohol.

Most teens have a relatively egocentric perspective on life; a state of mind that usually abates with age. They often focus on themselves and believe that everyone else—from a best friend to a distant crush—is focused on them too. They may grapple with insecurities and feelings of being judged. Relationships with family members often take a backseat to peer groups, romantic interests, and appearance, which teens perceive as increasingly important during this time.

The transition can naturally lead to anxiety about physical development, evolving relationships with others, and one’s place in the larger world. Mild anxiety and other challenges are typical, but serious mental health conditions also emerge during adolescence. Addressing a disorder early on can help ensure the best possible outcome.

What are the stages of adolescence?

The stages of adolescence include early adolescence from age 10 to 14, mid-adolescence from age 15 to 17, and late adolescence from age 18 to 24. Each stage encompasses different challenges for teens and necessitates different responses from parents.

What is the purpose of adolescence?

The purpose of adolescence is for a child to psychologically and socially transform into a young adult. Breaking from their childhood attachment and security allows children to acquire freedom and responsibility to develop independence and to differentiate themselves from their parents and childhood to establish their own unique identity.

Why is puberty so challenging?

Why do teens make bad decisions and take risks?

How does sleep change during adolescence?

How Do I Talk to My Teen?

Speaking openly with adolescents about changes that they are experiencing can be a challenge for any parent, especially given the shift in the parent-child relationship during this time.

One important component of communicating with teens is helping them understand what lies ahead. Explaining how their bodies will change so that they aren’t caught by surprise can alleviate a child’s anxiety. Beyond physical changes, parents can begin a conversation about the social and lifestyle changes that accompany adolescence. Discussing the consequences of important decisions—like having sex or experimenting with drugs—can encourage a teen to reflect on their choices.

Listening is a powerful yet under-appreciated tool. Parents often orient toward directives and solutions. But setting aside those tendencies and simply listening to the teen can strengthen the relationship. Asking specific or prying questions can make the child feel judged and therefore hesitant to speak openly and honestly. Listening attentively shows interest, validation, and support. It also increases the chances that a teen will confide in a parent as needed. Active listening builds intimacy and trust—while simultaneously allowing the teen to process their experience.

How can I maintain a close relationship with a teen?

Developing an independent identity during adolescence requires experimenting with new relationships and activities while gaining space from parents. But you can still maintain a close relationship despite that process. Express interest and ask questions about your teen’s new passions. Welcome their friends and provide family structure. In disciplinary situations, critique choices rather than character.

How do I talk to a teen about healthy sex?

Convey that you are open to discuss anything, such as sexual health, porn, pleasure, and love. During these conversations, listen openly and non-judgmentally. Shutting down a vulnerable adolescent with negativity or judgment can lead to shame and fear. Being open encourages them to trust you with future questions and to develop a healthy relationship with sex.

How do I talk to a teen about drugs and alcohol?

How can I support a teen when they’re upset?

How Does Mental Health Change During Adolescence?

Many of the mental health conditions people confront as adults begin to manifest in adolescence. In fact, one in five young adults has a diagnosable disorder, according to the Department of Health and Human Services.

However, teens can also struggle with anxiety, depression, and other forms of distress that are developmentally appropriate and will not necessarily endure. It’s difficult to know when a problem merits clinical attention, but when in doubt, querying a school counselor or another mental professional is the best course of action.

Parents can help by learning how to identify early warning signs of the disorder they feel concerned about and by not being afraid to ask about their child’s thoughts and experiences. Confronting mental health conditions and accessing treatment early on can prevent a disorder from increasing in severity or duration. When addressed early, most conditions can be managed or treated effectively.

Why are teenagers today so stressed and anxious?

An American Psychological Association report revealed that 91 percent of Generation Z has felt physical or emotional symptoms of stress, such as depression or anxiety. This stress may be due to parental trends like overscheduling, effects of social media like negative social comparisons, and historical events like the great recession and mass shootings.

How can I help an anxious teenager?

Parents can care for their teens by offering empathy and nonjudgmental support—focus on understanding them rather than judging them. Teens achieve more when not pressured to be perfect, so parents can avoid expressing the need for perfection. Maintaining a relationship and encouraging their relationships with other caring adults like teachers and mentors is also helpful.

What’s the relationship between social media use and mental health?

 Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

School-age children, roughly between age 6 and 10, are more independent, and independently social, as they take on more responsibility for their social lives, their activities, their schoolwork, and their health, diet, hygiene, and safety. Some will enter puberty at this age, girls more likely than boys.

The frequent transitions of this period can be daunting for kids and for parents, but children are more likely to thrive when they are confident that their caregivers remain ready to support their emotional needs. Parents can maintain strong relationships with their kids by remaining engaged with their connection even when their children don’t seem to be (or won’t admit to be). Parents may find that even as sons and daughters begin to rebel, they will still listen to their caregivers’ advice, eventually, if it is given calmly and without judgment.

On This Page

• How can kids learn to become more independent decision makers?
• Why do children seem to lose motivation as they enter middle school?
• How do children develop resilience?
• How can a parent tell if a child has enough friends?
• How can children manage early puberty?
• How does bullying affect children?
• What do children need most from their parents as they approach adolescence?
• How can a parent tell that a child is depressed?
• Does too much screen time affect kids’ mental health?

How can kids learn to become more independent decision makers?

Metacognition means being aware of one’s own thinking—and experts believe it is crucial for children developing decision making, as it enables planning, monitoring, and evaluation of their responsibilities, school assignments, and schedules. Conscious awareness of one’s challenges in math, for example, can lead to better planning on upcoming assignments, more attention to the results, and greater self-reflection and meaning making.

Why do children seem to lose motivation as they enter middle school?

Often a child who worked hard and was eager to achieve in elementary school seems to slack off and lose interest when they enter upper grades. It’s a normal phenomenon at this stage of development, often driven by frustration with new demands on their organizational and time-management skills; distraction, as social life and bodily change become higher-priority concerns; the effects of bullying or social exclusion; and an embrace of rebellion to authority, represented by teachers. Parents who observe these shifts in their children should reach out with calm, empathy, reassurance, and practical advice, as opposed to judgment or punishment.

How do children develop resilience?

Life stressors can weigh particularly heavily on children, who may lack the perspective an adult might bring to a temporary setback. Resilience is not an innate trait; it’s something children can develop. Research has shown that children who are better able to regulate or control their emotions are less likely to become anxious or depressed in stressful times. Supportive relationships with parents and other close adults can boost a child’s resilience, as it gives them the confidence to move forward.

How can a parent tell if a child has enough friends?

Parents may hope that their children meet whatever definition of “popular” they subscribe to, but like adults, children differ in their social needs: Some are happy to have one or two close friends, while others are anxious may become anxious if they don’t feel like everyone in their class likes them. Like adults, though, few children embrace loneliness, and parents who closely observe their children’s moods and routines, and recognize that they are experiencing loneliness, can support them—not by arranging play dates, but by encouraging participation in group activities and helping them develop social skills.

How can children manage early puberty?

The American Academy of Pediatrics considers puberty to be early, or “precocious,” if it occurs before age 8 in girls, or age 9 in boys. The average age of puberty onset is about 12 years, although research suggests that this age is gradually shifting earlier for more children than ever before. For these children, changes to their bodies and moods may be especially tumultuous, leading to feelings of awkwardness around peers, discomfort with their bodies, and an unwelcome sense of being an outlier. Girls who reach puberty earlier may be more likely to experience panic attacks, body dissatisfaction, substance abuse, and even suicidality. Researchers refer to these issues as the result of mismatch between one’s physical and emotional development. Early developing boys experience similar stresses due to mismatch, research finds, but generally to a lesser extent as even early puberty tends to arrive later in boys than in girls.

Parents, experts advise, should reassure children that they are still “normal”; they are just reaching a universal milestone slightly ahead of schedule. A parent’s openness to listen to a child’s concerns about any topic, and their ability to remain positive and supportive, can help a child get through this period with their confidence and self-esteem intact.

For more, see Adolescence.

How does bullying affect children?

Approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school, and boys and girls report being bullied in equal numbers, although with the advent of cyberbullying, those numbers may be rising. As children move past early childhood, they are less likely to tell parents about bullying or ask parents to intervene. Victims can be traumatized by bullying, in ways that may linger into adulthood including shame, lower self-esteem and diminished self-confidence. Children who are bullied may experience it as social rejection, which is why being bullied is a common source of school avoidance.

For more, see Bullying.

What do children need most from their parents as they approach adolescence?

Research has long suggested that the most beneficial parenting style for a child’s development is authoritative—high in both warmth and discipline. More recent research investigated which of those factors was more important for healthy development over the lifespan and found that children benefited more strongly from parental warmth, regardless of whether the parent was also high or low in terms of discipline. Love, then, in the form of warmth, forgiveness, and understanding, may be the most important thing a parent can offer their children.

How can a parent tell that a child is depressed?

Research suggests that 1 to 3 percent of children experience depression before puberty. Parents should understand that depression is a treatable condition, and that treatment is crucial because, if ignored, depression can recur throughout their child’s life. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to tell that a child is depressed, especially as they approach and enter adolescence and become increasingly less likely to share their feelings with parents. The most common symptom of depression in children is irritability, and a depressed child may also display sadness, lethargy, a lack of interest in their activities, and self-destructive behavior. Parents should let a child know that they are aware of his or her pain and that they want to listen, and to help. Along with seeking professional help, taking part in activities together, like biking or walks, may lessen symptoms by boosting a child’s activity and assuring them that they have support.

For more, see Children and Depression.

Does too much screen time affect kids’ mental health?

Recent research suggests that there could be an effect, but a small one, and that it may not work in the way many people imagine. A study based on surveys of thousands of children ages 9 to 11 revealed a link between screen time and depression in young people, and a lesser connection between screen time and anxiety. It appeared, however, that increased screen time, especially passive time watching videos or other content, was a symptom of depression, not a cause. Gaming and online chatting were more closely linked to anxiety in children, though, again, the link was not necessarily causal and in any event, it was statistically small.

 Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

During this period, roughly covering ages 3 to 5, a child’s personality, interests, and social orientation begin to come into focus, but parents should keep in mind that personality traits, personal preferences, and intellectual and academic ability are not “locked in” for life during this (or any other) stage. At this age, many children will have their first formal learning experiences—including learning to socialize with others without a parent present. In some cases, parents may have to deal with a child’s aggression toward others, or with helping them deal with other children’s aggression toward them. Caregivers can take advantage of children’s openness to learning at this age by continuing to read to them often and conversing with them on a wide range of topics while introducing new words and ideas to them.

On This Page

• What are the key milestones of early childhood development?
• Is personality locked in during early childhood?
• How do young children learn to share?
• How much play time do kids need?
• Why can young children sometimes be aggressive, or even mean?
• Why do some tantrums last so long?
• What makes some children shy?
• What do children learn from picture books?
• How does conversation help children’s brains develop?

What are the key milestones of early childhood development?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the American Academy of Pediatrics, by the end of early childhood, at about age 5, children can be expected to display most of the following social and cognitive skills, although each child develops differently and may achieve some milestones earlier or later than others and still be considered to be experiencing healthy development:

Social Development

• Prefers playing with others to playing alone.
• Wants to please friends, and be like their friends.
• More likely to understand and follow rules.
• Likes to sing, dance, and act.
• Is aware of gender.
• Can tell what’s real and what’s make-believe.
• Displays, and seeks, more independence in and out of the home.
• Is sometimes demanding and sometimes very cooperative.

Cognitive Development and Communication Skills

• Speaks clearly.
• Tells a simple story using full sentences.
• Uses future tense; for example, “Grandma will be here.”
• Can say their name and address.
• Can count 10 or more things.
• Can draw a person with at least 6 body parts.
• Can print many letters or numbers, and reproduce geometric shapes.
• Knows about things used every day, like money and food.

Is personality locked in during early childhood?

No. Early childhood is a crucial developmental stage, but the idea that personality is set in stone at this age is easily disproved. Children raised in abusive homes, for example, can grow to be emotionally healthy. And adults who have long struggled with anxiety can learn to change through psychotherapy, a field built on the idea that we can change if we really desire to do so. Parents should still do all they can to create a stable emotional environment and foster their children’s intelligence and social skills, which can benefit them throughout their lives. But biological and environmental factors beyond a parent’s control can negatively affect a child, and so parents also should not imagine that every struggle a child ever faces can be tracked to mistakes they made in early childhood.

How do young children learn to share?

Preschoolers are often selfish, holding onto coveted resources whenever they have the opportunity and resisting pleas to share, even though they know it’s the right thing to do. It doesn’t mean young children are jerks; other research shows that they are highly empathetic, quickly offering comfort to those in distress. Sharing toys, however, or understanding the concept of giving to help others in need may require parental guidance. Fortunately, the evidence is clear that kids can learn to share and that, like adults, helping others makes them feel good, just as it does for adults. Parents who can explain the benefits of sharing, successfully model the behavior, and convey their good feelings at being generous, are most likely to help their children acquire the habit of sharing.

How much play time do kids need?

Children need much more than they usually get. Studies have found that children today spend less time engaged in creative or free play, especially outside, than they did in the past, for reasons including increased time spent on digital media, parental or household routines that don’t allow for free play, and heightened concerns over safety and a decreased willingness to let children play outside unsupervised. As a result, some advocates argue, kids may be more sedentary, less creative, and less independent, than they could be.

Why can young children sometimes be aggressive, or even mean?

Children act aggressively at an early age: Kids may hit, bite, push, or kick before they turn 18 months old. In early childhood, verbal aggression like teasing and name-calling become more common. Toddlers typically become aggressive because they are angry or afraid but at older ages, when children understand how their actions can affect someone else, aggression becomes more concerning. It’s at this age that bullying behavior begins.

Many bullies, rather than having emotional problems, have high levels of emotional understanding, but may have learned from other experiences that people are generally hostile, and so that not only should they react aggressively to perceived offenses, but that aggression is a reasonable response. Parents and teachers who can take steps to promote empathy can help young children learn to be more understanding of others and to approach social interactions in a healthier way.

Why do some tantrums last so long?

Tantrums can be enormously distressing for parents, especially because of their apparent lack of internal logic: Small issues can spark explosions of anger that often continue long after the initial issue has been resolved. It’s important to understand the difference between a tantrum’s trigger and the factors that keep it going. Environmental issues can play a role: A crowded space, for example, especially one in which a child feels on display, can drive their stress further upward. A parent’s response to a tantrum can also extend it, because stress is contagious. When a child misbehaves, and a parent shouts, the child can become even more stressed, and both can become inflexible, fueling a lengthy tantrum cycle. When parents can recognize this cycle, they can step out of it, helping the child calm down more quickly, and, if necessary, they can further address the behavior later.

What makes some children shy?

Signs of an outgoing or reserved personality can be seen, some research suggests, in children as young as four months: Those who showed the most emotional distress tended to be most likely to develop social anxiety later. But normal shyness in a child is not necessarily a sign of a concern. Temperaments often change as kids get older, and, besides, many people take a little time to warm up to new people and situations. In the meantime, parents can help highly sensitive or anxious children thrive by letting them adjust to new things at their own pace and understanding their internal anxiety, which is often closely tied to a tendency for feeling guilty, by only gently reprimanding them when they break a rule.

What do children learn from picture books?

More than 60 percent of parents of young children read to them every day, and the benefits are clear, predicting future interest in reading as well as academic achievement. When parents read aloud to their children, they expose them to a range of words and turns of phrase that may not be part of their normal everyday conversations. Kids can learn sophisticated content as well, as a study of their retention of key concepts from books on animal camouflage and evolution showed. Above all, though, children find comfort from hearing their parents’ voices read to them, and thrive on the bonding that reading time enables.

How does conversation help children’s brains develop?

A child’s early exposure to language is at the core of their development, predicting language skills, cognitive ability, and academic achievement. Recent research emphasizes the importance of early conversation in the development of language structures in the brain: The more conversation kids experienced, the stronger the connections between regions of the brain responsible for speech production and comprehension. These findings are part of a body of research suggesting that rich and complex conversational turns are at least as important to language development as the raw number of words a child hears.