By Lorna Marsh | 
Medically reviewed by Clare Herbert, Senior Midwife and Team Leader | August 2022
Having a good sex life can seem like mission impossible when you’re a new parent. It’s difficult to find time or energy when you have a young baby and it may feel like you’ll never get your old sex life back. You certainly won’t be the first parents to cope with the struggle of a non-existent sex life. Luckily though, these BabyCentre parents have bravely revealed their top secrets to help you get your sex life back on track after having a baby.
Take sex outside the bedroom
“Before having a baby, we’d gotten into the routine of only having sex when we were already in bed. As our baby now sleeps in our room, we’ve branched out to the sofa, my office and even the shower. It’s much more exciting!”
Karen
“Since having a baby, our love-making is like it was when we first got together. We’ll have sex in pretty much any room in the house, so we don’t wake our baby sleeping in our bedroom. It’s a bit of a thrill really!”
Sophie
Redefine your sex life
“We’ve realised that if we don’t have time for full-blown sex, we can still be intimate with one another. Affection is so important to us, so even when we’re just passing on the landing, we’ll kiss or stroke each other. It helps remind us that we’re not just parents, we’re partners too.”
Louise
“If after kissing and cuddling in bed I’m too tired to go all the way, I’ll just watch my partner pleasure himself. It makes it more exciting for him and I enjoy seeing the effect just my presence has. Sometimes it will get me in the mood enough to get involved again.”
Rosie
Take advantage of naptime to get your sex life back
“I usually spend my baby’s naptime catching up on the housework or sleep. At the weekends, though, I use it as an opportunity to get up close and personal with my partner.”
Jamie
“Naptime has saved our sex life. I’m too tired by the time we go to bed in the evening, but mid-afternoon on a Sunday works for me!”
Lisa
Talk your way into sex
“With a glass of wine and the lights dimmed, my partner and I love talking about the days before we had our son. It reminds us that we had a life as a couple before parenthood and suddenly we’ll find ourselves having sex like we used to!”
Caroline
“It can be so easy to fall into the habit of just talking about the routine things you’ve done all day or not talking at all. We’ve started making an effort to discuss the things we did before becoming parents such as politics, books and even our dreams. It helps us connect as adults and often leads to us making love.”
Lucy
Start dating again to reignite the old spark
“My partner and I have introduced ‘date night’. Every Wednesday we find a babysitter, go out for dinner or to the cinema and act like we did when we first met. More often than not, when we get home we’re in the mood.”
Sarah
“We’ve found escaping the house and banning any baby talk has really helped our sex life get back on track. My partner asks his parents to babysit and then we go to the park for a picnic or for a drink in our local pub. We just make the time to enjoy each other’s company and that often leads to us being more affectionate and then ending up in bed when we get home.”
Chloe
Don’t wait for privacy if you don’t have to
“Straight after having our daughter, we assumed we couldn’t have sex if she was in the same room as us. This made it really tricky as her cot is set up in our bedroom. After a long dry spell we realised we were being silly. She has no awareness of what we’re up to, so now we have sex whenever the mood takes us.”
Zoe
“We used to only have sex when our son was spending the night at his grandparents’ house. This could mean weeks in between though, so we abandoned that plan and now have sex whenever we can and want to, even if our little one is asleep in the same room. It has brought my partner and I so much closer together.”
Laura
Turn up the heat and seduce each other
“In the first few months after having our baby, I was keen to make sure our sex life returned to its former glory. We were both exhausted but I made the effort to get him in the mood throughout the working day. I’d call him in his lunch hour and talk dirty to him for a few minutes. Sometimes I’d send him a text in the afternoon detailing all the things I wanted to do to him when he got home. It certainly did the trick.”
Kara
“After having my son, I found it really hard to feel sexy. It felt almost unnatural for me to play the mother role one minute and then slip into the lover role the next. My partner got round this problem by romancing me. He’d leave me little love notes around the house, run me a bath and wash my hair. He basically reminded me of why I fell in love with him and why I enjoy sleeping with him.”
Claire
Try a different kind of sex talk
“A few months after I had our daughter, I was really ready to get our sex life back to normal. I tried to make a few subtle advances on my partner, but they seemed to pass him by. It was very frustrating so I eventually had to sit him down and explain how much I missed our intimate time together. He had no idea how I’d been feeling and thought he was being sensitive by not pressuring me. Before I knew it we were in bed!”
Hannah
“There’s a very small age gap between our two children, and I must be honest that sex was completely off my radar for quite a while. I think I’d forgotten how much I actually enjoy it. My partner was becoming very frustrated and he would say accusingly: “You must not be attracted to me anymore”. It just made me feel attacked and less in the mood than ever. However, he changed tack and started telling me how much he missed kissing, touching and holding me. I realised I missed it too and now we have a very healthy sex life again.”
Becky
If you’ve just had a baby, learn all you need to know about sex after the birth.
Lorna Marsh is senior editor at BabyCentre. She has more than 20 years’ journalism and editing experience, including working for the NHS.